On Space Debris

Accidents happen.  Accidents tend to happen a great deal when one is as accident prone as myself.  Weird accidents and horrible injuries happen to me all the time for unnecessarily banal reasons.  For instance, while cutting my fingernails (sitting) on my bathtub today, I stabbed myself on the corner of my bathroom cabinet mirror after it spontaneously opened itself and I stood up into the pointy corner of it.  I now have a bloody 2-inch contusion on my forehead.  This is completely normal. 

I've had stitches, staples, splints, slings, crutches, canes, EEGs, X-Rays, CAT Scans, MRIs, GIs... Miraculously, I have never broken a bone (except for a few fingers and toes, but those don't really count).  If I do not make it to the emergency room at least once a year, the universe may collapse on itself.  I seem to have some sort of superconductive electromagnetic field for accidents, not unlike Jupiter, the so-called "vacuum" of our solar system, as he has a penchant for sucking up things like comets and space debris into its tormented, gassy center.

Jupiter, the solar system's garbage disposal.

For me, debris is a problem.  It has been the cause of several of mine own happy accidents.  Like Jupiter, I also have a tormented, gassy center and have had some run-ins with refuse.  More on that in a moment.

First off, let's take a moment to look at some space debris.  There's a lot of it.  The photo below is  a model from NASA's own Earth Observatory which shows the number of trackable particulates orbiting the earth.  This includes everything from defunct satellites, loose screws, a spatula, space gloves, and maybe poop (really big astronaut poops).  

Earth orbiting space junk and big astronaut poops.

You should note that some of this stuff is really damn tiny, including things like paint flakes and tiny frozen needles of coolant or rocket fuel sludge.  Closest estimates of measurable debris, that being anything 2 inches or bigger in Earth's own orbit or 20 inches and bigger in its geosynchronous orbit, are around 600,000.

600,000 objects of measurable man-made space "excrement". 

Self-explanatory

That's just ridiculous.  In 2009, scientists claimed that, "the threat from space debris would rise 50 percent in the coming decade and quadruple in the next 50 years. Currently more than 13,000 close calls are tracked weekly."  


Ummm... anyone else nervous about this?  

No?  


That's fine, because you really shouldn't be.  


The odds for the average humans being hit by space debris are one in a trillion.  You are almost more likely to be struck by lightning twice in any given year than get hit by space debris.   I tried to make a visual representation of 1 in 1,000,000,000,000, but it was damn near impossible, so just know that the odds insurmountably point in your favor.


There is only one reported instance of a person being hit.  Lottie Williams of Tulsa, Oklahoma had her workout session cut short as she was relentlessly pummeled by space trash in 1997. I'm joshing you, she was totally fine and, essentially, was lovingly caressed on the shoulder by a "DVD-sized" piece of mesh from a Delta rocket.  Nothing to write home about, right?

Now imagine a beautiful spring day.  Sunshine.  Birds chirping.  People are jogging, walking dogs, babies, cats.  The lake is calm and the water shimmers under the glorious blue sky.  There's not a cloud in sight and it's so clear the mountains are visible in the distance.  It's around lunchtime and there is no traffic as I am driving around the lake at a steady clip.  All is tranquil.

Until...

The road straightens and, as I begin to drive up the hill, the bright sky before me is framed by evergreens that line the road.  Piercing the blue above is... a speck.  Round-ish.  Getting... bigger.  Coming into focus...

WHACK!

Right in front of my face, this METAL NUGGET FROM THE SKY smacks into my windshield RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAMN FACE.  It's not heavy enough to spiderweb, but it leaves one hell of a dent in the glass and the sound continues to ring in my ears.

Though not as severe as the pitting on my own, this is what happens when
space debris hits the windshield on the space shuttle.
image thanks to NASA

Though shocked, I don't swerve or slam on the brakes, but watch dumbfounded through my rear-view as it bounces daintily down the road behind me.  One in a trillion my ass.

Now, you might be dubious as to the veracity of said space nugget actually being an actual space nugget, or assume that I am embellishing the story in some way; however, I can assure you this is all truth.   Were I not on a highway, I would've stopped just so I could have evidence of the thing-from-outer-space-that-left-a-pitting-in-my-windshield-and-a-deathly-fear-of-one-in-a-trillion-odds-working-against-all-logic-to-destroy-me.  

For starters, my adrenaline is the bomb.  When it starts pumping, time slows down tenfold.  I may be super accident prone, but my spider sense tingles like a magic-fingers bed when the poop goes down and, next thing I know, it's like I'm dodging bullets in the Matrix.  

Yeah, just like this, only in a car.

When time slows down, you notice things.  In this instance, as soon as I saw the speck, my adrenaline went into Peter Parker mode and I began to see things in perspective outside the realm of time.  Like the fact that there were no other cars on the road, so it couldn't have been kicked up from or broken off another vehicle.  I gradually tracked its movement.  It was a just a speck that started in the middle of the sky directly above me and then hit RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAMN FACE.  It was heavy, metal, approximately the size of a walnut, and rounded on one side but irregular (rather, it had un-uniform dimensions and was kind of "bulbous-y"), which is consistent with things from space that have gradually been modified by reentry into our atmosphere.  While you could argue that it came from an aircraft flying within our atmosphere, I don't believe that any part of an aircraft resembles an amorphous walnut.  So there.

And that's the incredibly true story of how I got hit by space debris.

Rather anticlimactic, I know, sorry.

At least you learned something today:  Always expect the unexpected.  If you want to make yourself seem smarter for reading this post, I suggest you take this National Geographic quiz on space junk now. You'll totes ace it.  Also, if you are interested in tracking space debris (lest it hit your windshield right in front of your damn face whilst you are driving), check out the Center for Orbital and Reentry Debris Studies.  These space trash geniuses will not only tell you the expected time and place of impact, but also the mission and/or piece of equipment your space debris comes from.  Neat!